HOW TO DEAL WITH PAIN, SADNESS, SORROW, GRIEF, DISCOMFORT AND ALL THAT SHIT

By the @fruitbat

I have been through a lot lately. All along I thought things were going pretty well for me. Except for some minor this and that every now and then of course. Well there are things that we really hope and expect not to happen so we try with all our hearts to be good to get good karma, so that whoever is up there would see it and you know, finally put you on the list after checking it twice. But despite all the high hopes and expectations and some actions along with it, logic dictates that still, it is possible to happen. Oh man it hurts when that shit finally does happen. True, shit happens but, it doesn’t mean we have to get messy with it!

Our duty however, is to play the cards we got dealt with, no matter how or what it is.

But anyways, this blog is not about how you got yourself in that situation, it will be a topic for another blog. Sure! Sure! Pain is really, you know, PAIN! That is why it hurts! But what I am more interested in talking about it how to deal with it.

If you go to s shrink, get a refund if you will be asked to divert all your attention to some other things in order for you not to think about it anymore. Get another hobby or something, anything that cannot be associated with the reason for the pain and all. I’m sure even before you decided to see a shrink you already thought of that yourself. Sounds effective really, but then again, when you are done doing what you are doing, when it is time for you to finally shut your eyes, hell, the pain comes back again when this sneaky memory comes attacking you relentlessly. That is where and when it hurts the most, when you are about to sleep and you can’t because of that.

Mine was actually a breakup. I won’t share the details here not because I am still in sulking (I am not! Really!), but because it is not relevant at this point. I swear to god it drove me nuts! I wept, I begged, and wept some more and begged. For a while I lost my brain for the most part and dignity as a person. All in the name of love! Believe you me, love, there can’t be anything wrong with it, so, if you are in that situation, I would suggest, do what you must! But of course it would really help if you do a bit of planning first. You know, like bring a sweater in case you need to ride back home late in the evening alone in a god damn freezing bus! Yep! Been there, done that!

Cry if you must! Do things if you must! Try everything you can think of to resolve the issue (of course if it is something that can be resolved, you know like, you can’t bring a dead back to life, that’s just creepy not to mention icky). Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise because at the end of the day, you will lose hair living in a world of conjecture asking yourself what if I tried that? Blaming yourself for not trying to do anything knowing that it could have worked only if you tried but then again you didn’t because some asshole friend told you not to.

Look at it this way; it all boils down to your satisfaction. If you have something in mind, go ahead and try it, if it doesn’t work, then at least you know it doesn’t work. If you don’t try it, then you wouldn’t know and you will keep on asking yourself and blaming yourself for not even trying to do it with the feeling that all it would have taken to fix things was that one thing you never tried doing. Comprende?

Now with the core of this blog.

I am pretty sure that no matter what situation or instance in life is causing this pain to you right now, this blog will somehow help you get a work around on things. Take note, it’s a work around, not a “forget everything pill”. That is because one cannot simply forget things of that magnitude. Yes, magnitude!

Remember, we cannot simply ignore the pain; it is as constant as happiness in life. But unlike happiness we definitely we cannot let the pain dictate the terms of our lives!

A lot of books would say, embrace it; well how the fuck do I do that? Just take it as it is without trying to makes things better like before? Fuck no way! If that is the case, might as well not work and take your financial issues as it is right? When you are broke, you work right, so you won’t stay broke. If after working you are still not rich, that’s okay; at least you’re not broke. Others would say, just man up! Believe me, if someone tells me to man up while I am pissed and in pain, will pull his tongue out of his mouth, from his ass!

Now enough with the crap and back to what this blog is all about, how to deal with the pain.

The idea is really elementary, if you are going through hell right now, keep moving, otherwise you will get stuck there!

Am I making sense? I hope I am, but still I will try to break it down in to small “how to do it” stuff to make it a bit clearer.

Now it is important, like I have mentioned previously that you have to satisfy yourself by doing or trying things to fix the situation. If it’s a break up, try everything to fix it, if it is some sort of illness, try everything to get cured, you know, stuff like that. Whatever would let you think at the end of the day that, well I tried everything it’s just in god’s hands now, or out of my hands now if you’re not religious and all.

Don’t get me wrong, this is not giving up, this is not raising the white flag at all. I never said you stop looking for ways to address the issues. What I meant was, after trying things and it didn’t work, take a step back and reassess things, if after doing so another idea comes into your creative head, then try it, if nothing shows up, then don’t sweat it, wait until another idea comes along, because after all, you trying to fix things right? Right!

This particular stage in your hell safari is when or where you are not so much concerned about moving on or looking for an exit but just addressing the heat and you are trying to cool yourself down. You know like, you have to address the heat first, get your water canteen and drink to cool down otherwise, you won’t be able to focus later on in trying to find your way out of hell.

If you don’t try things and get out of hell as fast as you can (I’m not saying you sit back relax and enjoy hell), then when you are out, you remembered things that you could have done to cool down not just yourself but the entire hell as well, then from the outside you try to get back inside hell. That is simply stupid.

Like in break ups, when you could have tried and fix things right away, but then again you wanted to get out as fast as you can and married someone else, then you found the kryptonite that would surely win the person back and now you try to fix things when you are both married to someone else. That could get you killed!

Now after that stage, when you are almost out of hell, things will keep on coming back to you. When you try to sleep, this memory sneaks up from behind and there is goes again, all the pain that you have forgotten the whole day because you were doing something else then, they are back once again all of a sudden mercilessly tearing you apart. How in the world do we deal with that?

The idea this time is not elementary but, doable! It requires a lot of repetition; again, it is repetition not practice. Practice presupposes that one cannot get it right the first time. I am pretty confident that you will get it the first time you try it but it would require you to repeat the process to make it permanent, sort of.

When you are feeling sad, prefer to be happy. When you feel hate, prefer to love. When you feel ill, prefer to be healthy. When you are broke, prefer to be wealthy. When you feel negative, prefer to be positive.

Happiness is an inside job. The person who left or the person who died is not the source of your happiness. They may have triggered your happiness but it is your decision if you will be happy with them or not. So when they are gone, you can still choose to be happy.

You see, when they are there, I get it, you are happy! But they are not the source of your happiness! It is you who decided to be happy when they are there! See my point? You will only feel sad when they are not around because you decided to feel sad, it is not them who made you feel sad, it is you. The point of the matter is, even if you stitch yourself together because you never wanted to be apart, if you will not decide to be happy that way, you will never be happy. You can take yourself miles away from the other and you will not feel sad unless you decide to feel sad.

Yeah! Yeah! Yada! Yada! It’s hard to let go of the memories, it’s too painful. Well I never said you have to let go! I never said the pain and disappointment will go away, I only said, I have a work around to share with you.

Try this situation for example, you only have a little money left and as much as possible you really don’t want to spend it anymore so you decided to walk home instead. But that god damn rain came out of nowhere and you have no choice but to take a ride and pay the fare! Sucks right? Looking at it that way of course! That is the negative way of looking at it. However, if you look at it like you have helped the family of that poor driver with your fare and finally tonight the driver will be able to buy something extra for the kids or whatever, then I’m pretty sure even if you lost some penny along the way, you will feel happy knowing that you have helped!

On that same situation, you decided to be positive about it and the feeling that you have wasted money is gone right? You did not deny the fact, the memory, that you had to spend the money but you simply decided to look for the good in it instead of the bad stuff.

Applying the same thing to more serious situation would be the same. Break ups, well, look at it this way, the next time things like that happened, you have probably learned a thing or two to prevent it, with the same person or on a new relationship. Death, well, at least you won’t hear the snore or something? Lol. And hope you don’t hear it anymore of course! The trick is looking for something good, as many as you can, out of every memory that gives you or causes you pain.

This process does not force you to try and forget what happened or what the situation is, because you simply can’t. This event is something that has affected you profoundly that it causes you pain every time you remember it. If it has not impacted you that much, then you won’t be feeling any pain right? So don’t resist the memory but, deliberately choose to think of things that makes you happy out of whatever memory comes along. Eventually, trust me, only good memories will be left.

This is the power of the mind. I think, therefore I am, I think therefore it will be sort of thing. If you decide, so shall it be. And between deciding to be happy or sad, god damn it, choose to be happy alright?! If you think angry, then you are angry. If you think healthy, then you are healthy. If you think wealthy, then you are wealthy. If you think grief, then you are in grief. If you think sad, then you are sad. Whatever you think it will be, it shall be. Ever wonder why some people would say this thing is not fun but when you try it yourself it was fun for you. It is because you decided it was fun instead of choosing to follow what they think. You thought it was fun and therefore it was! Damn it if that is not clear enough then I don’t know what is!

As for me, the good I see about what happened is, well, I get to write this shit for you right?

Now you don’t have to be a guru when doing this. Giving or finding happy things about a sad memory does not have to be really deep or something. Well it’s good if you can find oh enlightened one a deeper positive meaning for the situation, but if you can’t like I said, at least you won’t hear the person snore or fart or burp or something.

Try that simple math, when a sad memory comes along, or a sad feeling comes along; deliberately try to think a positive thing or two about it, or more if you can. And repeat the same process every time another one comes along. That way, you are not resisting the sad memory; you are just choosing to be happy. You have the power, only you have the power to decide whether your life is going to be, a heaven or a hell and no one else can make that decision for you regardless of the situation.

After all, you are the boss of your own life, are you not?